David Owain Hughes – Green, Green Grass Of Homocide.

bitch2

David Owain Hughes is a horror freak! He grew up on ninja, pirate and horror movies from the age of five, which helped rapidly install in him a vivid imagination. When he grows up, he wishes to be a serial killer with a part-time job in women’s lingerie…He’s had several short stories published in various online magazines and anthologies, along with articles, reviews and interviews. He’s written for This Is Horror, Blood Magazine and Horror Geeks Magazine. He’s the author of the popular novel “Walled In” (2014), along with his short story collections “White Walls and Straitjackets” (2015) and “Choice Cuts” (2015). After discovering Richard Laymon, David set out on a path to become the best writer he could, holding a BA and MA in creative writing.

books

Today i would like to welcome a fantastic talent in David Owain Hughes.

(Darren)

What is your name, and age?

(David)

Mind your fucking business.

(Darren)

How many books have you written or have been part of?

(David)

Nosy fucker, ain’t ya?!

I’m not sure, let me get my abacus out (lowers the zip on his jeans…)

I believe I’ve written/been apart of ten books in total. I do have others written, but they aren’t in print. Yet.  

(Darren)

What is your main genre of story?

(David)

Horror, you sexy beast! (Winks and rubs cock at interviewer).  

(Darren)

What are you writing at the moment?

(David)

My name, in my jism, on your bedroom wall… Nah, I’m kidding – it’s on my mama’s wall! At this moment in time, nothing – I’m busy editing certain projects and beta reading for other authors. 

(Darren)

Given a choice between a porn version of Keeping Up Appearances, where you’ll play Hyacinth Bucket’s gimp, or a XXX version of The Vicar Of Dibley, in which you’ll play the part of Geraldine Grangers ‘Bend Over Boyfriend Vibrating Strap On’ dildo. Which would arouse you most?

(David)

Oh man, those options are fucking hot! Can I pick both? Fuck you. Yeah, I’ll just pick both anyway! Yeah, both.  What ya got to say to that, Mr. Smarty Pants? (Pokes tongue out). Then again, if it was Keeping Up Appearances, maybe Richard would join in! 

Finished_Keeping-Up-Appearancesgimp

Untitled

(Darren)

Which famous person’s underwear would you like to sniff?

(David)

Kurt Russell’s – I’d dry hump the seat of his bicycle all. Night. Long!

Kurt

(Darren)

While perusing your favourite website, ‘www.phlegm-curry.com’, you inadvertently cause the opening of the Necronomicon, a spell to be cast, and the release of ‘Deep One’ which suddenly appears in your garden. Being one of the few male humans within 1000 light years of Earth not to have banged Katie Price, you discover she is popping round in an hour for a bit of ‘how’s yer father’. You decide to send the Deep One on a shopping trip to Lidl’s to get the ingredients to make your favourite cake. What is your favourite cake?

(David)

Cum-covered Coconut Cake. Price can add the final ingredient…

katie1

(Darren)

Which fellow author do you believe would look hot in a nurse’s outfit?

(David)

It’s a toss up between Duncan Ralston and Duncan Bradshaw – I think we should make them wank each other off, whilst they are inserting a finger into the other’s bum-holey…Sorry, what was the question again ‘What’s my fantasy, right…?

…Oh, nurses outfit. Oops! I guess the cat’s out of the brick-filled bag.

gaysanatomy

(Darren)

Being such a major celebrity, the inevitable occurs. Your huge popularity goes to your head, and you encounter what a lot of celebs do, ‘wankerism’ What utterly shitty act can you perform that will ensure you remain famous for your ‘wankerism’ for years to come?

(David)

Biting the head off a baby.  

wankerism

(Darren)

During a celebrity charity ‘Towns of Wales’ Scrabble event, raising money for endangered scampi, you see the opportunity to use your new Salvimar Voodoo Sapiens Carbon 125 Cm harpoon gun to fire a 3 Prong Harpoon Barbed Stainless Spear into the face of a famous celebrity. Who would that be?

(David)

Too many cunt-fucks to name, but the person at the top of my list is Piers Morgan! He doesn’t just deserve a harpoon to the face, but also a kick to the dick!

(Darren)

It appears a kick to the dick may not be an option.

piers

(Darren)

Which celebrity would you keep in your basement torture chamber, and what entertainment would you provide?

(David)

Yes, I get to do away with another cunt-fuck – number two on the hit list is Jeremy Clarkson. He’s such a fucking dickhead! He’s not funny, he’s a bell-end. I’d nail his balls to the floor – no handcuffs for him in the torture chamber. Entertainment? A hot coal inserted up his anus every twenty-two-minutes-and-a-half.    

C468uc1

(Darren)

What is your favourite swearword or phrase?

(David)

Fuck you! I’m not being rude, that’s my answer, cunt. Sorry, I didn’t mean ‘Cunt’ – it should have been arsehole.

a786dac065acf66d644cd579a77432a7

(Darren)

Which conspiracy theory do you think has some validity

(David)

That the moon landings between 69’-72’ never took place – that stuff fascinates the hell out of me, man

(Darren)

Sorry David but this has now been proven to have occured.

fake-moon-landing

(Darren)

Which famous people from any time in history would you love to impale on a huge shish kebab skewer and nibble during old re-runs of Holby City?

(David)

Vlad the Impaler – let’s see how fucking much he likes having something sharp rammed up his arse! I best he’d taste rather nice, too.

(Darren)

The spirit of Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia, is said possess the soul of fellow author Kit Power every tuesday night, and can be found wandering the grounds of the Mecca Bingo Hall in Hoxton.

Bingo-hoxton

(Darren)

You fancy a nice pea fritter and chips while in Cardiff, only to find a strange old curiosity shop in the place of your favourite chippy. You enter the dimly lit, silent shop only to be confronted by a tiny, wizened, oriental man. After 20 minutes trying to convince you he wasn’t Mr Miyagi from the Karate Kid, he hands you a small silver cube adorned in strange and mystical symbols. You point out to Mr Miyagi, that this object is clearly a spray painted Rubik Cube. However, he explains the cube is ancient and has great power. It will allow you to travel to the past and steal a book idea from the mind of any author in history. On returning to the present you can make the idea your own. What book?

(David)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey

antwerp-and-amsterdam-076

(Darren)

Apart from Albert Square in Walford, where’s the most dangerous place you have ever been?

(David)

Apart from my bathroom after I’ve taken a giant dump? Hmm, probably a local pub by the name of the White Rock – I’m sure you could buy hand grenades in there!   

(Darren)

Which celebrity would you like to feed to a rabid limpet?

(David)

Claudia Winkleman, followed by Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and the rest of the X-Factor judges!

(Darren)

There were so many cunts to choose from.

Main

(Darren)

Given a choice of the authors you have only in your Facebook friends list, who would you like to write a story with?

(David)

Ty Schwamberger – the guy has been monumental to my progress within the horror field. He’s not just an inspiration and true friend, but an orgasmic writer and giant within our community. He’s all about helping the little guys. I’d love to co-author with him one day. We also share a love for Richard Laymon, so I think a collaboration would turn out well.

51PpVEHDYvL._SX315_BO1,204,203,200_

(Darren)

Along with your esteemed peers you are present at undoubtedly the most prestigious horror fiction event in the world. ‘The Tipton Book Club Awards’

Having won several awards, you are forced to sit through the final award, “Most Popular Kazakhstanic Necrophilia comedy” which you haven’t been nominated for. Which of your fellow authors is most likely to give a vomit inducing Sally Field, “You really love me” acceptance speech, and which is most likely to get pissed and give an ultra-offensive and controversial speech?

(David)

I think there’s a few who would shed a few tears, especially Dawn Cano – I think she’d be clutching at a box of tissues! I think Matt Hickman would be the one to tell everyone to ‘Fuck off’, with a few hearty ‘Cunts’ thrown round for good measures. I fall somewhere in between a weepy sod and getting my cock out to wave around.

(Darren)

When you were a child, which children’s TV personality caused twitches and mysterious inner feelings to arise?

(David)

Anneka Rice! If, indeed, you can call her a children’s TV personality – I thought she was all that and a bag of chips!

Anneka_Rice

(Darren)

What goes in your coffin with you?

(David)

First aid kit, rock climbing boots, books, my favourite blanky and puzzle, road map (you never know!), didgeridoo and the Oxford Dictionary. 

(Darren)

What song annoys you to the point of wanting inject bleach into the eyes of a red panda cub.

(David)

American Pie – that song drives me bonkers!

71WZbVhqbkL._SL1300_

Thank you David for your time, and effort to complete this Q&A.

Incidentally if i’d have wanted an interview to include the word ‘bonkers’, id have sent it to fucking Timmy Mallett.

timmysessionsept20022

Advertisements

My Mum’s Hotter Than Me -Stars Speak Out.

katie-price-lookalikes

Channel 5’s new hard hitting documentary “My Mum’s Hotter Than Me”, has catapulted super-models, Georgina, and Kayla Clarke into the dizzy world of the A-Listers.

The mother and daughter duo have spent over £60’000 on cosmetic surgery, in attempt to emulate their idol, Katie “The Bike” Price.

Hot mum Georgina said, “Katie Price is a good role model, strong, independent, she earns her own money and she wasn’t on benefits. She’d suck a tramps length for a fiver. I admire that, as my minimum charge is £5.99′

The procedures have included lip injections, cheek fillers, Botox, breast enhancement, semi-permanent make-up and regular sun beds

When asked about the new high profile world they found themselves in, Kayla said, “It’s amazing. Yesterday i was just a human, but now we are more famous than that Jesus bloke. We meet other celebrities all the time. I feel like royalty. Only yesterday we had lunch with Stavros Flatley, and Benny from Crossroads.”

Paul-Henry-as-handyman-Benny-Hawkins-216671

Lost in thought, she mused, “I gazed out through the window of the restaraunt at the normal scum, and i think a tear fell down my cheek. I was the princess, and they were the flaky floater turds that you can’t get to flush down the lavvy.”

However, fame comes at a price for some celebrities, and the pair found themselves in the uncomfortable position of having to mingle with Z-Listers, at a charity event for terminally ill children, in Leamington Spa last week.

A bitter Georgina spat, “Don’t get me wrong. We know we are beautiful. But to use us to raise money for divvy kids, is almost criminal.” “We had to negotiate our appearance fee for this scam, and this pissed me off. You couldn’t move for wheelchairs, and dribbling kids.”

Kayla added, “They made us have photographs taken with the spackies, saying it would be good for our image. We weren’t even allowed to charge a fee for the photographs. The smell was horrible. Some of the kids have to carry something called a carrier bag, to go to toilet in, and i was heaving all day.”

Georgina said, “We knew we’d been conned when we were being introduced to total nobody’s. They looked happy to be there as i suppose being a Z-lister means you don’t get invited to do the good gigs.”

The two chuckled as they remembered meeting Simon Weston CBE. Georgina said, “he was the ugliest fucker i’d ever seen. I can’t believe someone would actually go out looking like that. Apparently he got burnt up in a sailing accident, or some shit. He tried to talk to us, but he’s foreign, so we couldn’t be bothered to listen.”

weston

Kayla said, “When Harry Potter turned up, it was the last straw.I was so embarrased. Apparently he is actually called Daniel. What a con. He didn’t even have a fucking wand or anything.”

A disapointed Georgina said, “I was hoping Johnny Depp would show up. He is always at these events for the divvy kids, and the snuffers (terminally ill). He’d have got his dick gnoshed for free. But he was a no show, so his loss.”

When asked what the future held, the talented temptresses had no uncertainties. “We’d like to make an album, and some Hollywood movies. “We are open to negotiations, but are looking for something respected and high profile. Failing that, both of us are happy to have our back doors smashed in for a tenner.”

332FE0F800000578-3540404-image-a-14_1460655959562

**For those with no sense of humour, this article is “ironic” **

Simon Weston CBE is a veteran of the British Army who has become well known throughout the United Kingdom for his recovery and charity work after suffering severe burn injuries during the Falklands War.

The man is a HERO.

I actually found this mock article quite difficult. Having to put the face of any British soldier alongside simple pondlife was almost to low to sink.

http://www.simonweston.com/

Dallas Mullican – The Critoriseror

Dallas Mullica the lest famous brother of Ming The Mersiless, is a bad person after 2he sed some shit about me. Clerly amed at my new book “The frawds of dallas” he wote of sosial meedia

“The great thing about small presses and self pub is that anyone can now write, publish, and sell a book. The terrible thing about small presses and self pub is that anyone can now write, publish, and sell a book.”

What he dudnt reelise if some of us writers dont need some other persons to draw our book picturs as we can do it areselvs. I learenered GIMP a drwing program and was abel to bring up what i think is a proffesshional front book bit.

So i say ‘Fuck of Dallas.just becsorse you are jellos of better writy peeple than youwhp can draw shit as well as write exsiting storeys as well”

I read all yor books, and records, and other writy and singy stuff and qwite truly it’s rubbish and amature.

My new book which my nana saed is the best book sh read ever is avaiable from my garige(not on sundays, asa  the shitter tank gets empteed)

Finished_DallasBook.png

Aliens have landed in US, and have want to steal all the oil from texas. Big spaceships appeer out of the sky, and blow up the whitehouse and the pentagram.

Butch Sonbitch f;ies his airoplane into the spaceship to kill the alliens leader and finds a note saying that they are coming to earth to take all the natral resorces and want the oil.

But it seems like its to late for the earth to stop the alliens as the plan was dated a week old.

Meanwhile the biggest oil familt the euwongs in Dallas have been taken over by alliens who look like faymus cellebrettys and pumpering all the oil strate to the mothership at night so no one can see.

Butch Sonbitch and hsi team of ultra baddass former seals, will save the werld.

But first he has to kill all the alliens who are frawds as the euwongs, but its not going to eb easy. They look like cellebrettys so butch has to find out hoo is rela dn which ones are Alliens, and then fight them

Stephen Hawking Causes Massive Security Breach

stephen-hawking-pbs
Professor Stephen William Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, FRSA, at the Department of Applied Mathematics and Theoretical Physics, University of Cambridge

Brilliant physicist, Stephen Hawking is at the centre of a security investigation after it was discovered his brain was still installed with Windows XP. The Microsoft Operating System went End of Life on April 8th 2014, and Microsoft ceased support and updates for it, leaving computers still using the system vulnerable to security risks and viruses.

windowsXP

Professor Hawking failed to adhere to this advice, and upgrade his brain to a newer operating system. Despite being plagued with pop-ups from pornographic websites and offers to buy IPads for 50p, he put Cambridge University at risk, by not seeking technical advice, to secure his brain was installed with supported software  .

Terry Turnups, one of the Senior IT Engineers at Cambridge University only became aware of an issue after he noticed that someone had purchased a Backabro Sofa bed, and Poang from IKEA using the departments accounts. An investigation was carried out, and the culprit exposed.

terryturnups

Terry Turnups

“We called all staff in, and ran a network audit. We saw the XP machine immediately. When we found out it was Professor Hawking, we immediately assumed an error. Unfortunately, the evidence was damning. We had no choice but to speak to Professor Hawking.”

During the interview, Professor Hawking admitted to baulking at the £99 cost of Windows 10, despite claiming earlier he believed he was concerned about the alleged rumour his ears would not have a compatible software driver.

Terry said, “We had no choice but to power Professor Hawking down, and perform a Windows 10 upgrade over the weekend.”

However, it was to be an eye opening and traumatic time.

“He was a mess. I’ve worked with Professor Hawking for 11 years, and what i found was truly heart-breaking. This was my friend. His brain was literally riddled with malware. Viruses, Trojans, Worms, Browser Hijackers were found, along with the astonishing discovery that his free Home version of AVG had expired in 2011. “But we are professionals, and knew what needed to be done”, Terry said. “We worked long into the night to perform the operation. It was successful, and the Professor Hawking was relieved to find everything was working”

IT experts are seriously considering that his operating issue problems may have been responsible for some of the darker of the great scientist’s years.

Stephen Hawking is no stranger to controversy, and finding himself in the news for the wrong reasons.

In 2013 he was embroiled in a sordid love triangle with an Indesit Washing machine, and a Corby 7700 Trouser Press.  A chance encounter in the universities maintenance department led to what the media dubbed, “The Electrical Charge Pump Scandal” It was this high profile episode that nearly cost the English Theoretical physicist his job and his reputation

Sleazy

Indesit and Corby took the decision to withdraw the washing machine and trouser press from their range. This marketing decision saved Hawking’s career.

Despite this calamitous matter, Hawking made another poor decision, when in March 2015 he posed in provocative photographs for MagPi, the official Raspberry Pi magazine.

magpi

It had a caused, what was at the time an irrevocable split in the Cosmology field. “Cosmology, was a real hot potato at that time.” said Professor Alex Klagestkuswaoksiniki, a co-worker of Hawking’s, at the Research For Theoretical Cosmology. “It was an exciting time for all of us. Einstein’s theory that there were “shit loads” of stars was gaining positive momentum.” But Hawking’s shenanigans with MagPi was threatening to derail the significance. “People were beginning to lose faith in Stephen’s commitment to Cosmology.”

However, the episode was easier to brush under the carpet than anyone could have anticipated. “It seemed that most MagPi readers actually thought the nude photos of Stephen were a blue print for a project to build a replica model of R2D2, the astromech droid from Star Wars”, editor Bing Stump told us.

It is hard to believe that only 36 years have passed since Leamington Spa schoolboy, Jimmy Spuff, using only the spares from an Austin Allegro, and an electric fondue pot, built Stephen Hawking in his garage, for a science project.

mixed

Despite only coming 3rd in his school project, Hawking was catapulted to fame after Jimmy’s other creation Dusty Bin, famous as Ted Rogers sidekick on Yorkshire TV’s hit British gameshow 3-2-1, took Hawking under his wing.

Cb5q28UWEAAkPlm

His first step on the ladder to his eventual fame may have only been as a humble floor buffer, but great things waited around the corner.

floorbuffer

At that time, many respected scientists were caught in a fierce battle to prove Einstein’s “Shit loads” theory regarding the number of stars in the Milky Way galaxy was correct, and the idea that there was only about 54 stars was incorrect.

einstein-big-idea-merl

Stephen saw the opportunity to show his position on the matter when he was heard to say, “Surely there’s more than 54”, to one of the physics teachers at Leamington Spa Comprehensive.

The rest as they say, is history.

I would like to confirm that author and unconvicted serial killer Matt Hickman encouraged me to write this article by sending angels of death in the form of messages on Facebook that infiltrated my fragile mind.

matthickman

Asked to give a response to the callous treatment given to Professor Stephen Hawking in this blog. Matt Hickman simply said “Fuck him!”

 

Shaun Hupp – #BootyCallforBernie

Shaun1

Shaun Hupp lives in Michigan with his wife, two kids, and dog. While he mainly writes in the horror genre, he also dabbles in the supernatural and comedy. When he’s not writing, he wears t-shirts of sports teams he could care less about. He also needs to take the trash out.

You can contact him @ either of his two facebook pages:

Author Page
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorShaunHupp

Writing Page
https://www.facebook.com/thinkwriterepeat

Also, follow his blog:

http://shaunhupp.wordpress.com/

huppbooks

(Darren)

What is your name, and age?

(Shaun)

Shaun Hupp real age: 32

How I act: Somewhere between 8 and 12

(Darren)

How many books have you written or have been part of?

(Shaun)

Tough question for me. I’m mainly a short story to novelette writer so a lot of my stuff is available separately or put together in collections or in serial format or short stories published together so that they form an interconnected novel. Confused? I know I am. Individual published stories/books…Hmm… Thirteen I guess.

(Darren)

What is your main genre of story?

(Shaun)

Horror. I’ve written sad stories, humorous stories, and police thrillers too. My horror usually involves some sort of emotional and humorous element. It’s my belief that great horror requires a lot of different elements, not just the scary stuff. I prefer to write realistic stuff, but I can do monster, ghost, etc stuff as well.

(Darren)

What are you writing at the moment?

(Shaun)

I’ve got many open projects. I’m working on the edits for my serial The Jackal: Part 3. I’m writing some stuff for a secret project that’s probably going to be out at the end of summer. I was also just writing a Twilight Zone-ish story that might turn into something for me to self-publish, or I might hold on to it and see if I can get a subbed somewhere.

(Darren)

Whether you are an atheist or religious, God appears to you while you are sat on the toilet. He tells you he will answer one question as he has other toilets to visit. What would that question be?

(Shaun)

I would ask him what the meaning of life is, what is our purpose on this rock we call Earth, why are we really here… or if I’m out of toilet paper, could he get me a roll.

(Darren)

While perusing your favourite website, ‘www.cooking-with-herpes.com’, you inadvertently cause the opening of the Necronomicon, releasing a Hound of Tindalos. What is your next course of action?

(Shaun)

I would find the website that contains the passages for summoning Terry M. West’s Car Nex and read it just like I had a character do when I wrote Car Nex: Trailer Park Book 4 of the Car Nex series. See how good I am at advertising?

AShNecro

(Darren)

Which fellow author do you believe would look hot in Speedo swim trunks?

(Shaun)

Matt Shaw. I’ve seen way more than I like to admit, and a Speedo would cover that bit up.

speedos1

(Darren)

During a celebrity charity baseball game, raising money for endangered scampi, you see the opportunity to wrap the bat round the head of a famous celebrity. Who would that be?

(Shaun)

Kanye West. If he’s so proud to be a non-reader, I’ll be proud to make him a heavy bleeder.

kanyedwarf

(Darren)

What song will be played at your funeral?

(Shaun)

Michael Jackson’s Thriller and I’ll pay for some zombies to do the dance too.

jackson

(Darren)

You’ve just had a 98” LG Ultra HD 4K TV fitted, only to discover it’s actually a portal to the past. Using the remote control, you can select a time to return to? When and where would you go, and what would you change?

(Shaun)

I would travel back in time to meet the past me and give myself the idea for the Snuggie. Within a month, I’ll have ONE MILLION dollars…. See? It’s kind of funny. Fuck you. This is my interview.

Snuggles1

(Darren)

Which conspiracy theory do you think has some validity?

(Shaun)

I like conspiracy theories, but there’s not really anything major that I believe. If anything, I think that a lot of the bible is either mistranslated, or parts were added based on the personal beliefs of whoever was in power at the time. For a long time, common people weren’t even allowed to read it so the chances are that it was changed to meet the ideals of a group of people.

pedopriest

Jesus

(Darren)

If you could be a member of any band, past or present who would you be?

(Shaun)

I would join KISS because I love wearing make-up, high heels, and leather.

kiss2

(Darren)

You are playing a cheeky game of Russian roulette with a buddy, when you realise you didn’t leave any empty chambers. Your buddy pulls the trigger, cascading the contents of their skull across your bedroom wall. What do you do with the body?

(Shaun)

Umm….Easy question. Chop the body up, put it in the freezer, and you’ve got enough free meat to last for months.

roulette

(Darren)

What’s the meaning of life?

(Shaun)

God didn’t tell me when I was pooping…I needed toilet paper.

(Darren)

Which celebrity would you like to make a thermite hat for, and incinerate?

(Shaun)

Trump….especially if he tries to tea bag me…

trumpthermite

(Darren)

Given a choice of the authors you have only in your Facebook friends list, who would you like to write a story with?

(Shaun)

Hmm…So many good authors to choose from… I guess I’d have to pick Matt Hickman since we get along well, and he has co-written books before.

old-urban-street-cleaner-man-holding-hand-made-sweeping-tool-tehran-province-iran-march-portrait-gloved-front-68449441

Despite being an incredibly popular and respected author, i opted instead to put a photograph of Hadi Younessi, a street cleaner from Tehran. No reason!

(Darren)

What is the scariest movie you have ever seen?

(Shaun)

I’ve always been a fan of Freddy from A Nightmare on Elm Street.

nightmare-on-elm-street1

(Darren)

What song annoys you to the point of wanting to stamp on a camels dick?

(Shaun)

Disturbed’s cover of The Sound of Silence. It’s not good despite what 99 percent of the population believe.

disturbed

(Darren)

I’d like to thank Shaun for participating in my Q&A. Thank you Shaun.

(Shaun)

Fuck Off.

(Darren)

OK. Anyway here is a picture of Matt Hickman for those who feel his face should be everywhere.

matthickman

Here is a photo of Val Kilmer filling a swimming pool, ready to cool off after a day of eating through most of Nebraska. And why not?

midget_thong-03

 

Dawn Cano – Queen Of Extreme

dawnface1

dawnbooks

So without further ado here is the Q&A session i had with Dawn.

(Darren)

What is your name, and age?

(Dawn)

I’m old enough to know better and young enough not to care.

(Darren)

How many books have you written or have been part of?

(Dawn)

I’ve written three novelettes and am taking part in two anthologies to be released later this year.

(Darren)

What is your main genre of story?

(Dawn)

I write extreme horror with as much blood, gore, and sex as I can cram into the pages.

(Darren)

What are you writing at the moment?

(Dawn)

I’m currently working on two collaborations, one with Daryl Duncan, who also designs my book covers, and one with editor/author John Ledger. With that, I also have a solo novelette coming out at the end of April called Cash Out, about a man who gets paid to commit grisly murders.

(Darren)

Which famous person’s bike seat would you like to sniff?

(Dawn)

Chris Hemsworth, because – because he’s Chris Hemsworth. Have you seen him? Who wouldn’t want to sniff the seat that once held Thor’s arse?

_ThorBike

(Darren)

Whether you are an atheist or religious, God appears to you while you are sat on the toilet. He tells you he will answer one question as he has other toilets to visit. What would that question be?

(Dawn)

“Ever heard of knocking?”

(Darren)

While perusing your favourite website, ‘www.limb-removal.com’ you inadvertently cause the entire human race to freeze like stone. What’s your next move?

(Dawn)

Remove Chris Hemsworth from his bicycle and sniff the seat.

notchris

**** It is said that variety is the spice of life. On that note, I found an alternative Chris Hemsworth, complete with his bicycle seat****

(Darren)

Which fellow author do you believe goes all ‘Travis Bickle’ in front of the mirror?

(Dawn)

 My co-author Daryl Duncan. He doesn’t know this, but I stand outside his bathroom window and watch him become Travis Bickle every night. Keep that between us, please.

_Youtalkintome

(Darren)

What subject would you never consider writing about?

(Dawn)

Romance. I’m the least romantic person woman you’ll ever meet, so writing about love would be awkward for me and for my readers.

(Darren)

What song will be played at your funeral?

(Dawn)

Funeral? I won’t have a funeral because I’m immortal and will never die. If I were to die, I want the saddest song possible played at the funeral because I want to make people miserable and have them miss me because I’m so fucking awesome.

(Darren)

Which celebrity would you keep in your basement, and what entertainment would you provide?

(Dawn)

It’s no secret that I lock my co-author, Daryl Duncan, in my basement when he doesn’t write fast enough to suit me. I give him the occasional brown sauce sandwich and beer, but a celebrity wouldn’t receive the same fair treatment.  I would lock Chris Hemsworth in my basement and entertain him by throwing myself at him in an awkward and provocative way so he would laugh himself to death.

-

How you could treat Daryl like this is shocking. No magazines to read!

(Darren)

You’ve just had a beautiful Koi pond installed in your back garden, only to discover it’s got piranhas in it, instead of Koi. Your favourites Jeff, Milly, and Scum are looking hungry and need feeding. Which famous person would you invite round to be the main course?

(Dawn)

Kim Kardashian because her ass alone would feed the fish for a year.

_pond

I decided to invite a few of your other friends round to admire your now pond. Jeff, Mill, Scum, say hello, and goodbye to Katie Hopkins, Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, and Kanye West

(Darren)

What would your Serial Killer nickname be?

(Dawn)

D-Lite, of course.

_henrydawn

(Darren)

Which conspiracy theory do you think has some validity?

(Dawn)

Twenty-five percent of the world’s population believes the planet is run by lizard people. I am convinced that Donald Trump is the leader of the lizard people.

_trumplizard

(Darren)

During a particularly tense game of Backgammon, you accidentally disembowel your opponent with the dice cup. What do you do with the body?

(Dawn)

In my infinite wisdom, I would hide the body in the basement with Daryl Duncan and Chris Hemsworth so they know what I’m capable of when I wield my dice cup. I lead by intimidation.

_disembowel2backgammon

(Darren)

Blue Pill or Red Pill?

(Dawn)

Since I don’t suffer from erectile dysfunction, I’ll opt for the red pill.

(Darren)

Which celebrity would you like to test your completed Judas Cradle on?

(Dawn)

Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, (Assuming my piranha don’t eat her first) Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, Katie Hopkins…the list is endless.

judascradlekanye

(Darren)

Given a choice of the authors you have only in your Facebook friends list, who would you like to write a story with?

(Dawn)

This is the toughest question you could ever ask me. I have so many amazingly talented authors on my friends list, it’s impossible to choose. Matt Shaw would be the first on my list since he gave me my start, and I still aspire to his level of success. Others include, Tonia Brown, Jaime Johnessee, Matt Hickman, Stuart Keane, Luke Smitherd, Jack Rollins, David Owain Hughes, Lex Jones, Kit Power, and so many others, I’d be here all day writing everyone’s names.

nuns

(Darren)

What is the creepiest movie you have ever seen?

(Dawn)

The Exorcist. The spider walk scene still creeps me out, and this film remains my favourite horror film of all time.

_exorcist

Not so scary now is it?

(Darren)

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

(Dawn)

I wanted to be a nurse, doctor, or veterinarian when I grew up. My backup plan of course, was to become a writer, editor, and author living well below the poverty level, and I have achieved that goal. That’s right. I’m living the dream.

(Darren)

What goes in your coffin with you?

(Dawn)

Chris Hemsworth’s bicycle seat

coffindawn

(Darren)

What song in history has the ability to make you want to punch a baby chimp?

(Dawn)

Barbie Girl by Aqua. When this song comes on, I seek out baby chimps and if I can’t find any, I seek out babies and toddlers to punch.

_Baby chimpanzee

(Darren)

What toppings go on your favourite pizza?

(Dawn)

You just had to ask this question when I’m hungry, didn’t you? Favourite toppings on a pizza include pepperoni, bacon, olives, jalapeños, and mushrooms. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go order a pizza now.

 

Thank you Dawn for your participation.

For your amusement & pleasure i offer more Kanya “CockSponge” West, Memes i created.

This one is titled “Because You Fucking Are”

kanye-west1

This one is titled, “Everytime i think of Kim’s Back Door”

_kanyedildo

 

When asked how long Kim’s cock was, Kanye was proud to reveal.

Kanye-West