Controversial new plans to introduce MMA style rules into boxing is causing uproar among medical professionals and the boxing federations.
The BBBPB (The British Board of Boxing is Piss Boring) want to overhaul the outdated and tedious sport.
Currently boxers are only permitted to strike their opponent twice within each three minute round. Cuddling, and shuffling aimlessly is reserved for the remaining time.
The plan to bring in MMA influences is threatening to tear the sport apart.
Jim Butcher from the BBBPB explained, “For hundreds of years, the punch, punch, cuddle, cuddle tactic has been the model for boxing, but we wanted to add some spice to the dull proceedings”
Changes include, no embracing for more than 5 seconds, and unlimited punching of the opponent. We were keen on enforcing the embracing rule as many of the referees were suffering from exhaustion from the seventy plus separations they performed per round. The idea of removing 200kg of duck feathers from the gloves has also been proposed, but not approved as yet.
Boxing legend Frank Bruno told us the plans were very worrying. “I’m worried.”
Jim Butcher had some reassuring words for current boxers. ” We only want to introduce some basic changes. No-one will be expected to learn anything like martial arts, grappling or wrestling. The skills you have accumalated by beating up smaller people in bars, and nightclubs will still be relvant”
But Frank Bruno was passionate about opposing these changes, and having the history of the sport changed. He said, “Are my shoes on the right feet?”
The proposed changes are being hampered by the fierce opposition of the British Medical Assocation, who fear boxers may get injured.
Dick Dickless said, “The sport finally saw the back of Mike Tyson in 2005, and his rogue antics have left a deep scar on the sport which has barely healed.” Dickless didn’t mince his words, “Tyson was a menace to the sport. He refused to cuddle for the mandatory 85% of the round, and threw more than his allotted two punches. I saw grown men leave the ring with bruised chins, and sprained wrists. It was sickening to witness.”
When Frank Bruno was asked about the dark days of Tyson, he was surprisingly complimentary. “Tyson was always a favourite of mine. My wife wanted a Henry Hoover, but the Tyson was £35 cheaper from Argos.