Missing: God


Concern is increasing for the safety of God after he went missing last week.
After telling friends he was popping to the newsagents for some Rizlas and a copy of the Racing Post, he failed to return to heaven.
A full scale search began almost immediately with worried angels out in force checking out all the local bookmakers and pubs.
On of God’s archangels who wished to remain anonymous, spoke of his friend, and his current state of mind. “God has had sleep issues, and the stress of the job has got on top of him a bit. He started hanging around with Oliver Reed, and then the inevitable benders started. What started as afternoon sessions, turned into all night booze ups.
He’s lost a lot of his focus, and get’s angry really easily.”
“Last month we found him at the gates of hell, offering Satan out for a punch up. It was all very embarrassing.”
“Turns out Satan was on a week long Pilates course in Hemel Hemstead anyway.”
Posters have appeared almost worldwide in a desparate attempt to locate the creator of all, but this seems to have caused more confusion.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time, until it was pointed out that no-one on Earth had actually seen God.”
“We had to work with an artists impression.”
It soon became clear that the search for God wasn’t going to be an easy task.
“We’d get phone calls by the hundreds every day with potential spottings. We’d go to investigate and it was always a wasted journey.
“We visited Earth 24 times just to find a confused Bob Carolgees being held captive. He took it in good spirits though.”
“Dave Lee Travis was another celebrity who found his likeness to the Holy Spirit a hindrance.”
“We knocked on Dave’s door, and he opened the letterbox and told us all to fuck off.”
A press conference will be held today with all seven of the archangels and Fred Dineage, hoping to increase the awareness of Gods disappearance.
Prayers for his safe return have been postponed for obvious reasons.


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