Daryl Duncan – Legend

daryl

Daryl Lewis Duncan. Part time film maker, script writer with Dead On Films. Recently started making book covers in return for some food and likes. Co-authoring several stories with Dawn Cano. Plays guitar and fronts a band called Gypsum Weed who are nowhere near good enough to play live yet.

Daryl Duncan is a man of so many talents, you may frequently wish he’d get hit by a council gritter, so you might feel a little more at ease about your own inadequacies.

He possessed such skills as guitarist, awesome vocalist, hilarious writer, and wild book cover designing.

universe-1044107

So without further ado here is the Q&A session i had with Daryl.

(Darren)

What is your name, and age?

(Daryl)

My name is Daryl Lewis Duncan. I’m guessing I’m around 40. My mum was quite drunk when she found me.

(Darren)

How many books have you written or have been part of?

(Daryl)

I wrote my autobiography a few years back entitled, “Shut the Fuck Up and Dance” which was picked up by a brilliant, but little-known publishing house, Skanky Publications. I think you can still pick it up down in the Age Concern shop in High Street. It lingers between an A-Team annual and Lilliput Lane house.

beer-

(Darren)

What is your main genre of story?

(Daryl)

I would say, dark, humorous, urban horror, because it’s kind of dark, hopefully funny, usually urban and has like, some horror.

(Darren)

What are you writing at the moment?

(Daryl)

I am writing a religious tale with Dawn Cano. I have started the second draft on a novella called, “Skud”. I have also got back to my screenplay for a Northern Ireland based slasher movie called, Trinkets.

(Darren)

Given a choice between rimming Shane MacGowan, and eating twiglets served from Jocelyn Wildenstein’s soot socket, what would be your choice?

(Daryl)

I’ve heard Jocelyn’s soot socket is still in pretty good order for a seventy-five-year-old and I mean, who doesn’t like twiglets. No brainer.

jocyleneandmacgowan

(Darren)

Which famous person’s bike seat would you like to sniff?

(Daryl)

Daisy Duke, every day of the week, bike seat, car seat, wheelchair, rocking chair, anything she ever remotely brushed past or sat on, even the bonnet of the General fucking Lee.

daisy

(Darren)

Whether you are an atheist or religious, God appears to you while you are sat on the toilet. He tells you he will answer one question as he has other toilets to visit. What would that question be?

(Daryl)

I would kneel down in front of Him, part my cheeks and asked him to check my piles for bleeding.

piles

**** Looks like you were smited Daryl****

(Darren)

While perusing an adult website, you inadvertently release 200 Ebola infected chimpanzees in London. What’s your next move?

(Daryl)

I have an ex-girlfriend in London. I would text her straight away with a “LOL”.

Ebola

(Darren)

Which fellow author do you believe has the firmest buttocks?

(Daryl)

Man, that’s a tough one. So many arseholes to choose from. Didn’t Justin Park make it to the North East quarterfinals of “Twerk It Like a Hoe”? I’m guessing with all that prep and practice his buttocks would be firmtastic.

justinpark1

(Darren)

Being such a major celebrity, the inevitable occurs. You are asked to perform a Xmas song as a duet. Who would you choose and what song?

(Daryl)

Marky ‘Mark’ Wahlberg. Good vibrations. Fuck Christmas. That song should be played every day of the year. C’mon swing it.

(Darren)

What topic in your books would you never consider writing about?

(Daryl)

I would never write anything with any horror, urban shit or dark comedy. Apart from that, I’m easy.

51-9blWaUvL._SX379_BO1,204,203,200_

Errrrrrrmmmmmmmm!!!

(Darren)

During a charity hurling match, raising money for endangered scampi, you are see the opportunity for a leg snapping smack with your hurley on a fellow celebrity. Who would that be?

(Daryl)

That fat, prancing, grinning, talentless bastard that left take-That to pursue a solo career, that thankfully went down the pan. I won’t speak or type his name, it brings forth vomit to my mouth.

Robbie_Williams3

The Unspeakable One.

(Darren)

What song will be played at your funeral?

(Daryl)

I actually have this in my Will already and it’s no surprise, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, Good Vibrations. Feel it, feel it.

MarkyMark

(Darren)

Which celebrity would you keep in your basement, and what entertainment would you provide?

(Daryl)

That goes without saying, Olivia Newton-john. I’m sure my eternal charm and rugged good looks would be enough entertainment but if not I would perform my entire repertoire of seductive disco moves.

(Darren)

What is your favourite obscenity?

(Daryl)

“SHITE!”

shite

(Darren)

You’ve just had an 8 Series Frameless Enclosure Pentagon shower fitted, only to discover the plumber accidentally fitted a time machine. Where would you go and what would you do?

(Daryl)

I would travel back to 1979, New York and audition for  a part in The Wanderers.

wanderers

(Darren)

Which conspiracy theory do you think has some validity?

(Daryl)

The increasing and very real evidence that suggests Paul McCartney actually beat John Lennon to death with a plastic replica of Jimi Hendrix’s cock because a frog told him to do it one stormy night somewhere near the Mull of Kintyre.

jimhendix cock evidence

(Darren)

After incorrectly guessing Herman, in a particularly tense game of ‘Guess Who’ you accidentally beat your opponent to death with a Toblerone. What do you do with the body?

(Daryl)

Put them in the man cave with the rest. Word of warning, though, pose them as you want them to remain, fixing a smile or trying to place a hand of playing cards in a rigor mortis hand is a nightmare.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

(Darren)

Blue Pill or Red Pill?

(Daryl)

I don’t do pills, they’re a bastard to snort.

snorting1

(Darren)

Given a choice of the authors you have only in your Facebook friends list, who would you like to write a story with?

(Daryl)

I have one answer to that, Dawn Cano, because if I don’t say that she will cut another fucking toe off.

psychodawn

(Darren)

Louise and Martine Fokkens are 70-year-old twin prostitutes who have worked Amsterdam’s Red light district for 50 years. They claim to have had sex with 355’000 men combined. Without the use of a calculator, estimate how many pints of Guinness you would need to fill each of their cocktroughs?

(Daryl)

Me: Ah man, six Guinness, totally wankered. Who’s those two honey’s?

Mate: Man, that’s Louise and Martine.

Me: Hello, chicks?

fokkens2

I’d like to thank the LEGEND for taking time to answer my Q&A session.

****Incidentally when i Googled Daryl Duncan i discovered these two individuals. I am assured neither are the LEGEND****

NotDarylD

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